Things I want to remember

A couple weeks ago my husband Joe put up 7 Ways To Drink A Bottle as his facebook statuses. His sister Michelle added an 8th. I thought they were funny, and of course, they are all inspired by our son.

#1: The Zen Master - Exemplified by a sense of peaceful focus. Bottle is drunk without unnecessary fuss or trouble.....This is rare

#2: The Chuck Norris - Drinking action is accompanied by random, manic, clumsy martial arts moves. Possibly also bad acting.

#3: The Rodgers and Hammerstein - Must pause every two to three swallows to comment, in singsong fashion, upon the fact that you are drinking a bottle. Quality of singing can be highly variable, but the quantity is always profuse.

#4: The Politician - If milk is offered, insist on rice cereal. If rice cereal is offered, insist on applesauce. Cry. Never back down from your "principles".

#5: The BYU Freshman - Frequently interrupt drinking to smile, giggle, and otherwise flirt with anyone else in the room. Percent effort expended on relationship building= 100%. Percent effort expended on the task at hand= um, not so much.

#6: The U.N. Peacekeeper - Loud noise? Turn and look. Bright light? Turn and look. Unfamiliar room? Definitely take a look. Observe, but take no action.

#7: The Michael Phelps - Characterized by swift, nearly frantic drinking, coming up only when absolutely needed for a quick, gasping breath.

#8 (A combined effort of Joe and his sister Michelle, in reference to nursing babies): The Performer - Always ready for another curtain call.