I have been scouring the internet for plane tickets for the past 2.5 months so that we could be there. When I approached Joe with the idea of this weekend trip, and its importance to me, we set a financial limit/goal, and both agreed that we would go if we could find tickets within our bracket. I didn't think our expectations financially were out of reach. But I was wrong. The cost for airfare never even came close. I finally acknowledged the fact that we wouldn't be able to go just about a week and a half ago. I felt heart broken. Maybe it was good that I was in a very public place (and in a "teacher" role), so I couldn't cry or be emotional. But inside, I felt crushed.
You see, today, my friend Jessica is marrying her sweetheart. I met Jessica when I was 16. I realize now that I have known her for half of my life. She's always been more to me than just a friend; she's the closest thing I have to a little sister.
I have a lot of fun memories of our time together. Somewhere we developed an inside joke about s'mores, supported each other in concerts and performances, played games, made cookies, went swimming and hot tubbing, watched movies, went on walks, danced, talked, cried, laughed, hugged, loved.
When I think about Jess, my heart bursts. In a good way. I wouldn't be who I am today or have many of my incredible blessings, without the relationship and influence of my little sister. For days, I have been thinking of many of the things I have learned and gained from her, and I decided to finally write them down.
Jessica is a ray of sunshine and happiness. Seriously. That girl is just happy! Even tho not everything is going perfectly and she's facing challenges and trials. She makes a choice to be happy.
Jessica is a hard worker. School does not come naturally nor is it easy for her. But she is dedicated and focused. She sets goals and rises to the challenge. She wants to be her best self, and she has always been willing to work and to fight for it.
Jessica is a follower of Christ. For as long as I have known her, her spiritual convictions have been evident and expressed thru the way she lives, the choices she makes, the people she chooses to associate with, and the goals she sets for herself. She is devoted to following God and serving Him. She lives in a way that brings others the blessing of His spirit, and thru her, we know Him better.
Jessica is a friend. She is thoughtful and kind and makes a strong effort for people to know that she cares about them. She includes those that are lonely. She lets you know that you are important to her and that she values you.
And I guess, one of the last things that I love about Jessica, is this: BECAUSE OF JESSICA, I AM A MOTHER.
Motherhood is challenging and definitely not easy. But it is also filled with blessings and joy and a love that I cannot describe nor can I compare it to anything else I have felt or experienced in my life. And because of Jessica, I have found that love and joy. Because of her influence in my life, I have found peace and happiness to fill the void of doubt and despair. Because of Jessica, I know that I am of worth. I know that I matter. I know that I am blessed to be me and to have the life that I have. Because of Jessica, I have a son and I became a Mom.
And because of Jessica, I have been blessed.
I wish more than anything that I could be with her on her special day. My heart is beyond touched that it mattered to her and that she wanted me to be there. And so today, like many days, but especially today, I think of her and Michael, sending them my happiest thoughts and excitement as they begin their adventure together, as husband and wife.
